So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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