I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just invented taco cereal.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
