I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
