we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
is it fun? or sober?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
