Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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