cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
