Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
