Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
