I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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