dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
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