I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
