she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
