we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We named our party play list daddy issues
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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