he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
