Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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