Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
