My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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