I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
