I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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