I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
