You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
