dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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