He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
