when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
