Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
