Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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