omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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