I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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