hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
