If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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