smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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