I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
bring money and cleavage
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
