I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He felt like a one man threesome
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize