I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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