I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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