goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
