Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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