If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
