A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
