The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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