Michael Bay diarrhea
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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