So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
