But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
