i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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