i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
