dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
