also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
