I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize