your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think my fart just growled at me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
