You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
