I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She bit a glass in half.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's blow job season.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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