glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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