she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
