He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
