I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
