i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
