im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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