): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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