very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
