and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
