Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is Oprah even human
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
