I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i barfeds in our rink
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
