I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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