I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
