why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
