her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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