Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
