Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
