K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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