Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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