Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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