Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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