Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize