Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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