the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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