Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
