why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
