She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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