They should really pass out barf bags in church
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize