he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
