Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
