I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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