Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I want a musical about memes.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
