There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
