My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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