You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
