Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize