You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
