you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
