yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
