How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
