ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
