the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
