Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
