I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
