Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
