i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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