if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize