i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
