the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
