remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
