he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it's like iHOP with fire
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
