how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
