ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
