4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
