I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
