Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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