i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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