Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
