the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
this hospital has no fireball
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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