There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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