do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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