Yo dont text me then not text me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
