took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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