Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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