you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
