During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I yelled at your uterus for you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize