If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
